Home
by Witchytara25
Summary: What happens when all you want is somewhere to go home too? Femmeslash.


Title: Home

Author: Witchytara25

Summary: After years of searching, someone finds out where home really is. Femmeslash.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Trust me, if I wrote for a children's program, it wouldn't stay G rated very long. All characters of Rugrats belong to Belongs to Klausky, Nickelodeon, Viacom, and whoever else claims them. I just take them out and play with them and make them gay. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.

A/N: I've just been a writing machine lately. I don't know what's wrong with me, but my fans are happy. Anyways, once again, like all my stories are slash and if this is not your style that you like to read, then hit the back button. Flames will be laughed at and used to keep me warm seeing that I have no heat in my house right at the moment. The song is called Home by Three Days Grace.

Dedication: To the one person who showed me where my home really is, I love you.

Daddy why don't you love me anymore? Why did you abuse me and throw me away? Why can't you care about me? Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to deserve your abuse and your cruel ways? If you always hated me, why did you choose to have me stay around instead of sending me away after mom died?

_I'll be coming home  
Just to be alone  
Cause I know you're not there  
And I know that you don't care  
I can hardly wait to leave this place  
_  
It's been 10 years since I've left this place, since I packed my bags two hours after my high school graduation and didn't look back. Why did I come back? Why did I choose to come back to this place of pain, of heartbreak, of the abuse that I endured for the first 18 years of my life? Why did I choose to come back?  
Because you could never say no to her, to her requests, to what she asked you to do. No matter how hard you tried, you could never say no to her, a voice whispered inside my head. Sighing, I turned down the familiar street, the street that haunted me in my dreams and in my deepest nightmares. The street that I grew up on and learned early on that I couldn't depend on anyone but myself. "Well, daddy dearest, at least I've made something out of my life," I muttered under my breath, a smirk of satisfaction playing across my lips.  
I'm pull into the driveway, knowing that he cannot hurt me, for I am too strong for that, that I am too proud and too willing to fight back for him to ever touch me again. All I do is go in, drop my stuff on and then leave again; I will not stay here any longer than I have too. I know that he cannot hurt me ever again, but still, I cannot wait to get back to my real home. Then another thought crosses my mind: Do I even know where my home is at? After years of moving from place to place, I have never found a place that I can truly call my own.

_No matter how hard I try  
You're never satisfied  
This is not a home  
I think I'm better off alone  
You always disappear  
Even when you're here  
This is not my home  
I think I'm better off alone  
Home, home, this house is not a  
Home, home, this house is not a home _

Turning the key into the familiar door; I look around the house that was never a home that never made me feel safe. "Daddy dearest, I'm home," I mutter under my breath, glancing around the living room that has not been changed since I left. Wondering why he never bothered to change anything, I close my eyes, trying to block out the words of abuse I heard from him my whole life.  
"Home sweet home," I mumble cynically, taking the familiar steps up to my room. Hearing a door creek behind me, I stiffen, looking over my shoulder and seeing the looming figure of my father.  
"Daddy, I'm home," I say sarcastically, "Aren't you happy to see me after all these years? The prodigial daughter returning from the desert."  
"Angelica, I'm glad you came home."  
"Why? So you could do to me what you did to me all those years after Mom died? So you could tell me how worthless I am, how stupid, how I would never amount to anything? How could you do that to me when all I ever wanted was your approval?"  
"Why you little…" raising his hand, I stare him down,flinching inwardly."Now Daddy, we wouldn't want the neighbors to start talking, would we? After all, I hear that you've made quite a name for yourself in the years since I left. How would it look if it came to light that Drew Pickles abused his darling princess?" My voice dripping with sarcasm, I stare at the pathetic figure who I used to look up to, who I used to think walked on water. All that changed when I was 10 and the abuse started.  
Staring at me for a second, he turns and walks away, slamming his bedroom door behind him. _Just like when I was growing up, _I think bitterly, walking into what used to be my bedroom, _Even when he is home, he's never here, unless he's drinking himself into a stupor or hitting me._ Sighing, I drop my bag to the floor and sink into my bed, still wondering why I decided to come back here.  
_The same reason you always come back. Whenever you thinkshe needs you, it's impossible for you toblock out her face, _a voice whispers in my ear. "SHUT UP!" I yell to the voice, "JUST SHUT UP! I WON'T HAVE THIS." Picking up the nearest object, I throw it against the wall, hearing it shatter. Picking up my car keys, I head out the door, desperate to get away from the memories that assault me.

_By the time you come home  
__I'm already stoned  
__You turn off the TV  
__And you scream at me  
__I can hardly wait  
__Till you get off my case_

_Flashback_

_Sitting in front of the television, I light up a joint and take a deep drag, hoping that this will help me get over the pain of what my father did to me last night. I stare blankly at the television, not really caring what is on, just hoping against hope that I can get a high enough buzz so that the pain that the bastard causes will blank out. I cannot tell anyone what my father does, not my cousins Tommy and Dil, not my friends, no one, because no one would believe that the pampered princess lives a life full of fear and full of terror everytime she steps through her front doors.  
__Taking in a deep drag, I feel my legs start to go numb and I smile, staring blankly at the television. I hear a the front door slam and my father standing in front of me, a look of rage on his face.  
__"You stupid, lazy little bitch. Sitting in front of the television, rotting your brain away. How can you waste your future like this? How can you embarrass me like this? I have important clients coming over in about an hour. Your wasted and you look like hell. If your mother was still alive…"  
__"If Mom was still alive, she probably would have killed herself being married to a bastard like you, Dad." Taking another hit, I stare up at him defiantly, daring him to do something. He just stares at me, hatered filling his eyes. "Why don't you ever get off my fucking case, Daddy?"  
__"If your Mother was alive, then she would have sent you off to boarding school a long time ago."  
__"That's the solution to your problems, isn't it Father?" Letting my voice drip with sarcasm, I look upat him."Send away all your problems and then there gone."  
__Slapping me hard across the face, I feel my head reel back into the chair. "You will never talk to me that way again, you little bitch, and do you understand me? Now, you will go to your room without any dinner tonight."  
__"At least I get away from you and your hypocritical ways of playing the perfect family. The grieving widow and his orphan daughter. Is that how you get all the good deals, Daddy? You let them think that your the perfect father?"_  
_Smacking me again, he drags me upstairs by the hair, throwing me into my bedroom. "You will stay in here the whole night." Slamming the door behind him, I hear him lock it.  
__"Fuck this," I think to myself, "I'm outta here, I know where I can go." Opening the window, I sneak out and run to the one place I know I can always run too._

Shaking myself from my memories, I am startled to feel the tears run down my cheeks. Sometimes I miss those days of getting stoned, of not feeling, of not remembering the next day what happened. "Why did you always have to get on my case, Dad? Why couldn't you just accept me for who I was instead of hating me like you did?"  
Walking around the park, I see in the distance and see the one person who can make my heart drop to my knees and I swallow hard, resisting the urge to run up to her and spill my guts on why I really left all those years ago.

_No matter how hard I try  
__You're never satisfied  
__This is not a home  
__I think I'm better off alone  
__You always disappear  
__Even when you're here  
__This is not my home  
__I think I'm better off alone  
__Home, home, this house is not a  
__Home, home, this house is not a  
__Home, home, this house is not a  
__Home, home, this house is not a home_

Another person that I hurt and that I could never satisfy no matter how hard I tried to. Another person that I failed. The one person I never wanted to hurt, but I ended up breaking her heart. Sighing, I step back further into the shadows and I watch her walk alone, her head down. I just want to run up to her and tell her a thousand things, I want to tell her that I didn't mean it when I said I was better off alone, without her, that I want her in my life now and forever. That I never meant the hurtful things that I said when I left all those years ago. I just always knew that no matter how hard I tried, it would end up like my father and I would never satisify her or make her as happy as she deserved to be.

_Flashback_

"_Angie?" I loved it when she called me by my nickname. Anyone else would have called me that; I would have decked them clear across the room.  
_"_Yes?"  
_"_I love you."  
__Stiffening at those words, I am unable to speak. She places a finger over my lips. "I don't expect you to say it back to me. I just wanted to tell you that."  
__Nodding, I long to tell her everything. How my father abuses me, how my house is not a home, how I long to leave and never look back. How she cannot love me for I am unlovable and I am not worthy of the love she gives me._

"_You're leaving? You were going to leave without saying goodbye?" Tears in her eyes, I almost stop and take her in my arms. Instead, I just shrug with all the indifference I can muster and say quietly, "What does it matter? You'll be going to college next year. Did you think we could honestly last forever?"  
__"So all those whispers of love in the dark meant nothing to you? You are your father's daughter. Your cold, uncaring and a selfish bitch." With that, she flees the room and I break down and give into the tears that have been threatening all afternoon._

I wish that I could tell her that without her, none of the places that I live are home. That without her, none of my houses have ever been home.

_I'm better off alone  
__No matter how hard I try  
__You're never satisfied  
__This is not a home  
__I think I'm better off alone  
__You always disappear  
__Even when you're here  
__This is not my home  
__I think I'm better off alone  
__Home, home, this house is not a  
__Home, home, this house is not a  
__Home, home, this house is not a  
__Home, home, this house is not a home_

I used to think that I was better off alone, that I could make it without anyone. Now I am capable of seeing what my bastard of a father did to me. Gathering all my courage, I walk up and place my hand on her shoulder. She whirls around, her eyes widening at the sight of me.  
"Angie?" she whispers, words eluding her for once in her life. "You came back? Why?"  
There are a thousand excuses and lies I could give her, but I decide for once in my life to tell the truth. "The same reason I knew I would always come back here. For you. It's always been you. In the 10 years I've been gone, there has never been another woman for me. My father never made my house a home, that's why I fled."  
Confusion fills her eyes and I smile and lean down and brush my lips across hers. "I will explain everything later. Is it too much to hope that you would have dinner with me tonight?"  
Nodding, she steps closer to me and runs her hand down the side of my face. "There's never been another one for me but you." Leaning up, she kisses all the confusion and me and the doubts of my whole life are taken away with that one kiss. "Let's go home, Angie."  
_Home. My house never may have been a home when I was growing up, but now I have a true place to call home. _Walking awayhand-in-hand, I lean down and whisper in her ear:  
"I love you too, Kimi."

A/N2: Alright, so not my usual Kimi/Lil, but I've been known to surprise people with my writing sometimes. Anyways, read and review and maybe if my fans are nice, I'll do a sequel if anyone can give me a good idea to do one with.


End file.
